Icha Icha Konoha
by fudgemuffins
Summary: Jiraiya needs new plotlines for his book and finds them in Konoha. Gai does anything to be in the newest installment of Icha Icha, Kakashi & Sakura are unwillingly in it. Will real life follow its erotically written counterpart? KakaSaku R
1. Prologue

**This was an idea that was stuck in my head for god knows how long but I've been so busy that it's hard writing it without stopping and starting all the time. I'd love to hear what you think and If you want to see a character act differently or go through a certain situation just tell me and I'll see what I can do. **

**I wanted to thank everyone who reviewed my last story so, thank you!!! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto and now I want to cry because it's so hard to admit. A DON'T OWN IT! There are you happy, you awful killjoys. You could have let me dream!!!! (sobbing in a corner)**

**On with the story…**

_Prologue_

Jiraiya watched as the two young women played in the old hot springs and was struck with sudden inspiration. A dashing young shinobi is running from deadly missing ninja when he finds himself lost in the middle of the forest. He sees two kunoichi sparring on top of the still water and is captivated by their beauty so he decides to ask for their help. He then takes both of them as his, in a night of wild passion and gets...To bad he'd already written that one. It was in one of the first issues number eight in which he introduced the character 'Ami' a very strong blonde haired woman with a troubled past and is now the leader of a prosperous village.

He sighed and went back to his research, trying to come up with an all new and dynamic plotline, something different but just as good. He knew that there were many loyal to the Icha Icha series but he needed new readers and maybe not just males. Every story he came up with seemed to be already done and they weren't very romantic just incredibly erotic. All the females he'd drawn in his book seemed to look like the Gondaime of Konoha, he needed new _characters_ as well. Lost in thought he didn't seem to notice that the young ladies had moved onto a more private location and were no longer in his sight. Picking up his last book he briefly flicked through it and noticed that it was starting to get stale and predictable, everything was pretty much the same. He picked up his pack and slung it over his shoulder heading for the nearest inn to stay for a night or two.

He'd booked a room and left all his belongings in it before heading for the nearest bar to drink up some new ideas. He sat at a table in a deserted corner of the room and observed the other drunkards. Most of them were lonely males or gold diggers; there were also a couple of ninja. Two shinobi sat beside each other at the bar talking over some gossip, one look at their headbands confirmed that they were from his home town Konoha. He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen his beloved Leaf village, it was about four years ago…maybe. He went over to the two jounin to ask how everyone was doing when he heard a few names he knew.

"…and then some dude walked up to her and that copy ninja guy just knocked them out, told him not to touch her again or he'd string him up by his privates. I think he literally shit himself" The two men laughed and continued sharing stories unaware that the sannin was about to interrupt.

"Why hello boys" Jiraiya gave them a grin and sat beside one of them.

"Jiraiya-sama, how have you been lately?"

"Healthy happy horny, the usual" They nodded in agreement "So what's this I hear about the Copy ninja threatening innocent young men?"

They snickered "You remember that pink haired chick Kakashi taught?" Jiraiya remembered her alright, she'd grown up to be a fine young woman. He remembered the time she caught him outside the women's bath house and could still feel the brutal right hook she gave him. He rubbed his cheek.

"Yeah I remember her, very attractive"

"Don't say that in front of Hatake though" The toad sage raised an eyebrow "Now that she's 21 every man and his dog has tried to get her but he's put each an every one of them into hospital"

It sounded particularly interesting, just imagine: A dangerous and well known ninja protecting his beautiful young ex-students virtue by beating every man she came in contact with because he couldn't stand to see her with any other man than himself. Forbidden love, dangerous ninja, and beautiful virgins who need to be taught in the lessons of love! It was the perfect novel, maybe it was time to do some _actual_ research.

"So is Kakashi dating her?" Ero-sannin queried.

"He may as well be. You hardly see them apart, every guy wants her –including me" He drooled "God she's so hot! But if Hatake found out I'd be living with no balls for the rest of my life" His partner agreed.

"Why wont her other team mates do anything?" Jiraiya had been wondering for quite some time, why the boys hadn't stepped in to defend her honour.

"She hits them if they're too harsh, thank Christ, but she won't lay a finger on Hatake unless he's reading your book. By the way the story is getting a little predictable. Thank god Uzumaki has that Hyuga chick or he'd be beaten black and blue by the cherry blossom. Hinata's got Naruto whipped but they're happy"

"Even if Hiashi hates him" The second shinobi added

Well this was just getting better and better now a second party was added. Opposites attract but fate still keeps them apart, damn he really needed to visit home. What if there were even juicier stories? Maybe one of the girls would model for him, not Sakura though. He really didn't feel like incurring the wrath of a pissed off copy nin but what one eye don't know won't hurt him. He grinned lecherously about the thought of research on a lovely green eyed medic, maybe a waterfall scene would be best for her or even in the middle of a forest filled with cherry blossom trees. He giggled and clapped his hands together in anticipation thinking about the fans he'd get from this saucy little town.

"So, are they the only two with interesting stuff going on?"

"Hell No! Did you hear about that weapon's chick? She's going out with that green spandex bushy brow guy but she has the hots for that Neji bloke. The Hyuga guy just sits there and glares at that idiot Lee and does nothing about it! I feel like I'm living in a fucking soapy." He punctuated his statement by taking a deep swig of his drink "Not like you care Jiraiya-sama, it's just so fucking irritating sometimes"

"Yeah, I mean I've tried heaps of times to ask the hot doctor out and let me tell you. Never, I repeat, NEVER crack on to the cherry blossom. It's suicide, I've still got a bruise from where Hatake nearly pulled out my inards!" He lifted the bottom of his shirt, a ghastly looking bluish greenish bruise was marring the tanned skin.

Jiraiya grimaced and hissed imagining how it must have felt to be attacked by one of the most powerful men in Konoha "Are you sure she's worth that much trouble?" He knew that she was supposedly attractive, I mean he hadn't seen them in over four years. You wouldn't keep trying if you got belted when you went near her, not many women are worth that much hassle.

They both grinned and nodded "Hell she's the only one worth it"

Jiraiya looked at the clock on the wall "Well, it's about time I turned in boys, thanks for the chat. I think it's about time I get re acquainted with my old friends in Konoha. I may see you there, good luck" He got off his stool and left the drunken shinobi to it.

As he strolled down the streets towards the inn he was staying at, he went over the conversation he had with the young fellas. Maybe it was a sign to travel down a different road of literature, it was still going to be smutty and erotic but he had a few new characters in mind and one hell of an issue. He was already thinking of how the story would go and really liked the direction it was headed in. If he took a completely opposite view in this issue, then more could enjoy his writings.

If it was like a documentary on their lives rather than a smut novel, then it could give deep insight into the lives of the shinobi, and maybe it would get a few problems resolved in the process. It would still be erotic of course. He could see it now

_The lonely traveller entered his home town for the first time in five years wondering what had changed. The buildings were the same but what of his companions and long time friends. After five long years of killing S-class criminals and taking many women to his bed he was growing tired and in good need of rest._

Oh yes, this would be an issue to remember, this would be his greatest yet and it was all because of a hidden village that had too many problems. He laid in his bed and smiled to himself.

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**How is it? Like? Hate? Burn? Got any ideas? Reviews please!**


	2. Ch1: Arrival

**This chapter is going up a little earlier than expected, I didn't think I'd finish it this quick. **

**Thanks to all the reviewers:**

**Artemis 85- My first reviewer!**

**Furanshi93- I read your fic and reviewed, it was really good. **

**Jovianwolfgirl- Why not? Lee seems like he needs someone a little nuttier**

**Hourglass67- Well, I'm not sure where it's going but you seem to know. So good on ya!**

**Clearheart- Well I hope it is, otherwise I'm not a very good writer then, am I?**

**SweetAssassin- Thank you very much for you're enthusiasm (Thumbs up)**

**Newtype Omega- Whew! Firstly, with regards to the inoxshikaxtem triangle, I think I can do that for you. In later chapters, you'll get a more in depth look at why things happen at certain times and as for Ino's reaction…I've always pictured her as a bit of a ninny and not quite with it. I really want to thank you for the advice because it really helped me get things together and I am really a novice when it comes to this so advice helps! If I ever get stuck I'll be sure to contact you :)**

**tootalltygerlily- I'm very glad you're enjoying reading it as much as I'm enjoying writing it**

**asuka02redeva- I might just put a bit of 'Stalker Sannin' in there, thanx!**

**Norikoko- I like your smiley faces:D**

**addicted2reviews- short but sweet **

**Bebblez- I like that word 'Installment'…hmm…**

**Aslan'sWhiteWitch- Who knows, maybe Kakashi will actually become comatose and find out he was a squirrel in a past life! Cue: Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives (Cheesy voiceover guy) We'll see if Kakashi finds out or not.**

**Kureneko- I hoped it was different, it's kind of annoying when you've got similar fan fics. That's why I was a little wary on the title but it's the only thing that fits right. **

**moodiful819- I may have read your xmas fic…but I swear I haven't copied but I shouldn't swear either 'cause that's a naughty habit. I'm adding a funnier character that is quite critical for the story so I hope he's to your liking.**

**scoobyrocks44- I'd like to take you up on that threat! I enjoy hearing a good verbal warning or two but just for now I'll stick with the updates.**

**Disclaimer: As mentioned before I do not own anything to do with Naruto

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_**Chapter One**_

In the world of shinobi there is a hidden village known as Konoha, the village hidden in the leaves. At first glance it would appear a nice family town where one could settle down for the rest of their days with not a care in the world. Yet underneath this calming picture of humble perfection was a sinful naughty side which was ruled by ninja. Unlike civilians, ninja were living by every minute of the day and were lucky to retire at a ripe old age, proving that their lives were a tad more complicated than the villagers they protected. At the heart of all this chaos of love and sin were a group of highly respected shinobi that were often seen with one another, unless on a mission. These ninja were known to be the 'elite' generation because they had produced some of the world's greatest fighters and thinkers. Most were from the rookie nine of Naruto's class along with Gai's team, and their famous sensei's.

Now for the first time in a long time all of them were in the village, lack of missions during peace time the likely cause. One kunoichi though, was not at all hindered by the lack of missions because she worked steady hours at the hospital as the head medic nin there. On occasion she would accompany her old team mates on a particularly dangerous mission as a helping hand if they were injured, most of the time they got themselves in so much trouble, that she had to finish their mission herself. But at that moment in time she was not really thinking about her accomplishments as a jounin but wondering _where on Earth did that old man go?_ She had been sent to check on a patient who'd just received major surgery to his internal organs but upon arriving at his room she found he'd disappeared.

She rushed down the halls to the front desk and shouted at the secretary to find 'The old fart who was too busy being a twit to care about his well being'. At this point in time most of the hospital staff new to steer clear of her when she was in these moods, especially when she used the word _twit_. For some reason she always reserved that word for exceptionally irritating circumstances. She ran to the elevator and pushed a few buttons at once not quite caring where she went as long as the 'twit' showed himself before she finished her shift. She muttered to herself and cursed the crappy elevator music that always sounded like it belonged in an Icha Icha scene not in a hospital full of sick and injured people.

As the doors of the cramped space opened she caught a glimpse of silver and headed in its direction, she only new of two people that had that distinct hair colour and one of them was Orochimaru's right hand man. The other person with such unconventional hair colouring was her most favoured person in the world, and unfortunately for the majority of the time his silver haired head was buried in the smutty book she had fore mentioned, the one with the smutty content. Alas she would not change a single thing about the man, no matter how much he annoyed her, because then he wouldn't be Kakashi. Even in all his perverted lazy tardy presence he was still her favourite and it pissed her off to some degree because she kinda liked the excuses he came up with for being late, they always made her chuckle at their stupidity.

He spotted her exiting the elevator and headed her way dragging an old man alongside him. The old man was fairly peeved that his plan of escape was foiled by a man who read pornography in a children's wing, when he didn't have the gall to do it himself. The irate kunoichi glared at the old man who'd escaped his check up right before her shift was intended to finish and he quivered like the perverted man he was, because it hadn't occurred to him -until just now- that the head doctor might've been a gorgeous young woman. The near fifty year-old-man leered at the pink haired medic and made an attempt to mentally undress her, until a swift hit over the back of his head prevented the thoughts from venturing any further. He looked up to the man from which the hit came, about to pound him into next century for laying a hand on him, when the copy nin glared down at him as if he was the scum on the underpants of society.

Sakura was still fantasising about the possible ways to torture the old creep that she didn't give a thought to why Kakashi was in the hospital willingly. She stood in front of her patient who'd attempted a Harry Houdini on her "You sir, should have never left that bed until you were cleared to"

"I apologise. I didn't realise I was to be taken care of, by such a picture of pure beauty" He gazed up and down her body and licked his lips. The tension in the room turned up a fraction and a deep growling sound came from Kakashi. The copy nin grabbed the man by the scruff of the neck and introduced him to the white washed hospital wall. Sakura groaned and picked up her patient.

"You just have to make more work for me, don't you Kakashi-kun"

He gave her a sheepish smile that was mostly hidden by his mask "He needed to be taught a lesson Sakura-chan"

"And what might that lesson have been?" She hid her grin as best she could.

"Never try to escape your hospital bed before you've been given clearance"

She let out a very un-lady like snort and shook her head at sheer audacity the man had to be so hypocritical. Then she smiled because it was then that she realised that she shouldn't have expected anything more from him because it was_ him_ and not any one else who'd said it. She lifted the top half of the unconscious man and gestured for Kakashi to do the same, reluctantly; he put away his book and helped her carry the lewd patient. They lifted him with ease and carried him through to the elevator but paused when they hit his head on the side trying to get him in at the same time, his bottom sagged to the ground making it unbelievably difficult to manoeuvre. Sakura shifted and decided it was best to turn him face down and alerted Kakashi of this. They turned him over only to catch a good glimpse of his extremely hairy and pale backside through the hospital scrubs.

"Argh! Turn him over! Turn him over!" She screamed in fright. He found it rather amusing that a doctor as highly trained as her would curdle or hurl at the sight of an old fella's posterior, though he had to admit, it almost made him hurl to and he'd seen rotten maggot infested carcases. They turned him over and carried him the rest of the way to his room. After a quick check over, she deemed him okay to leave –after he regained consciousness. Sakura joined Kakashi in the waiting room for a much needed rest.

"To what do I owe the pleasure of your company Kakashi-kun?"

"Jiraiya's returning and Tsunade's warning every kunoichi in the village" He chuckled at her expression, eyes wide, face paled, mouth gaping and bottom lip quivering. She looked rather frightened "Don't worry Sakura-chan, you can always use my house as an escape route"

She nearly burst into tears and leaped onto the shocked copy-nin. Her voice was racked with sobs and happy tears. No longer would she have to dive into every alley way when the sannin passed by, this was a joyous occasion indeed. There was something missing though…hmm, drinks!

"Kakashi-kun, can you wait here for a few minutes? I'll get changed and we can go to the bar" He nodded and gave her his infamous eye crinkle to show his enthusiasm. He pulled out his latest Icha Icha and continued reading from where he stopped but found he was actually getting bored. Somehow Jiraiya's writings had become stale and very predictable. He frowned. Remembering the first issues of his favourite past time -other than spending time with Sakura- were the best and were so original and witty, maybe he could tell the sannin when he got there. Right now though, he really needed to get away from the disinfected smell of the hospital.

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The travelling toad sage walked up to his home gates and paused to wave a quick hello to the men on guard duty before heading off in the direction of the Hokage tower. He was home at last, where he belonged and where he was going to get some serious writing done. No more writer's block for him. He strutted down the main street and waved at a couple of young ladies he spotted along the way, the majority of them covered their chests when seeing him pass by. Oh he was a very happy little boy, Konoha had some of the best looking broads in all the land, and he almost jumped up and down in excitement.

Arriving at the door to the Hokage tower, he braced himself for anything because even he new that Tsunade could be quite temperamental when she was near a pervert. He greeted Shizune on his way in and ignored her words of protest in favour for getting a glimpse at her cleavage. He moseyed on over to her office door and entered without a word of notice. He sweat dropped at the sight of the most powerful woman in the world, drooling over a stack of unsigned papers and a bottle of sake in her warm embrace. He coughed to alert her of his presence, she woke with a startled snort and grumble.

She groaned when she saw who it was "What are you doing here Jiraiya?"

"What no formalities?" He feigned hurt.

"Piss off, it's too early"

"It's four in the afternoon"

"Exactly! Bastard I spent all last night doing paperwork and I just finished dishing out hurt on Gai for indecent exposure" She laughed at the face of the great toad sage currently wiping the image from his memory bank "Kakashi and him made a bet on who 'The beautiful blossom of Konoha would sit next to in the bar"

"I would have thought she'd pick Hatake regardless"

"The chair was next to Gai, she chose to sit on Kakashi's lap" She smiled.

"I'm guessing it's no secret Kakashi digs his former pupil"

"Unfortunately, he thinks he's being very secretive about it. The idiot glares at every man that looks at her the wrong way" She picked up her discarded sake bottle and drank straight from it "What are you here for Jiraiya?"

"I'm just here to relax and get in touch with my audience"

"You're going perving aren't you?" It was more of a statement than a question.

"Yes, ma'am!"

"Do me a favour and pick up some sake from K.C's will you?"

"He's still alive?"

"He's still got a beer gut but yes he's alive"

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Kakashi and Sakura entered the dark smoky bar together and walked over to a table where eight other shinobi were approaching katzenjammer worthy drinking states. Naruto, Sai and Sasuke were in a heated debate over whose biceps were larger; all were inebriated beyond comprehension and could barely string a sentence together unless a few cuss words were thrown into the mix. Asuma and Kurenai were in the mood for cuddles and baby talk, annoying the vast majority of the table, except for two green beautiful beasts who thought it the perfect example of the power of youth and love. The copy nin suppressed a shudder as the older bowl cut ninja fawned over the 'perfect picture of youth and beauty of the female race' who ultimately was a male and very hairy.

The two most recent additions to the party sat down at the table beside each other, Genma was on Sakura in a few seconds.

"Ah, the lo-lovely –hiccup- cherry blossom, care to sit right h-hiccup-here" The womanizer tapped his thigh to coax the sober medic into sitting on his lap.

"I would never sit on a pervert's lap"

"Awwwww, but you sat on Kashi's lap, why no-hiccup-not me?" He reached over the table to stroke her cheek when an empty glass hit his forehead. It crashed to the floor and Genma rubbed the sore spot. He gave up on the pink haired woman, until Kakashi left at least.

A tall man with broad shoulders and a beer belly ambled over to their table with another round. K.C was the manager of the fine establishment and was the only pub owner in town who could handle the delicate states of ninja under the influence. With a half head of hair and a bushy moustache, he was the epitome of an eccentric businessman with an air of pessimism about him. Of course he never was good with kiddies because of his fowl language and deplorable customer service skills but everyone else loved him.

"K.C, my main man, cou-hiccup-could you do me a favor and send a drink-hiccup- down to that fei-feisty lil' red head near the d-hiccup-oor?" Genma tried to convince the old man with a wink.

"Fuck off" The ever present politeness of one Kioshi Chiba always managed to rouse a few laughs.

"You have a way wif words Kioshi-san" Gai raised a glass to the old man "Your yo-youf-youthful power far exceeds your age!"

"I know I'm fucking old, spandex, no need to tell me about it" K.C piled all the empty glasses onto his tray with a scowl adorning his wrinkled features.

"Kioshi-san! Tell us a tale of your younger years!" Lee piped up after having not said anything for a while now.

"You want a story brows?" The old man raised a questioning eyebrow toward the young man. Lee nodded with enthusiasm then promptly fell to the floor. Recovering he dragged himself back onto the stool and gave a thumbs up to the patron of the bar.

"Alright, I ever tell you about me encounter with the giant shark?" They shook their heads "Well I was down the beach in the village of waves, hundreds of children and women playing in the water. I'm on me lonesome out far, when I spot this fin. No one else sees it so I try and warn them all by waving me hands about, they all just keep playing. So I swim to the shore and grab me board. I run back into the water just as the shark attacks and block his teeth with me board, the children are screaming and crying So…" It was then that he put down his tray and continued the story with bonus movements to show his heroic rescue "…I'm holding the board with one hand right, then with me other hand I'm guiding a hundred or so kiddies onto shore. Then..." He lowered his tone "…I looked the shark in the eye. It was then that I showed me respect for the fish and we had a mutual agreement see. In his eyes that day I saw he respected me too and he left in peace"

Sakura burst into a fit of giggles and held onto the table for support. Kakashi chuckled and patted Sakura's back to calm her down. Everyone knew the old man elaborated on stories a bit, it was difficult to separate the truth from his tales. They were guessing instead of the 'mutual agreement' story it was "I thought I saw a shark" and nothing else but his masterful ways of telling the stories kept them from pointing it out. That and the fact that he was probably the only old man in town shinobi were scared of. He was about to start on a new tale when he caught sight of a drink on the bar and marched to it. He picked it up and sniffed it.

"Who the fuck ordered this?!" All drinkers in the bar silenced and turned to face the old man. A woman in her nineties stood up and raised her shaking hand wary of the consequences "I apologize ma'am but why the fuck would you order this shit?!"

Despite the circumstances Kakashi, Sakura, Sai, Sasuke, Naruto, Gai, Lee and Genma cracked up laughing. Asuma and Kurenai lowered their heads in embarrassment. Somebody took the drink from K.C and sipped it.

"It's just milk"

Kioshi held his hands up as his point was proven "I told you! Fucking shit order" He filled another glass up with whiskey and handed it to the frail old woman "Get that into ya love. If I ever see you asking for anything without alcohol again, I'm gonna have to kick you out. Now I don't want to 'cause you look like a nice old broad"

She nodded blankly and sat, downing her whiskey in one go. K.C retrieved the tray of empty glasses and went to the back of the pub. Everyone was back to their previous topics, Kakashi and Sakura now had drinks.

"How is it that quarter past four in the afternoon you all are pissed?" Sakura enquired taking a sip of her drink.

"Well you see Sakura-chan, Sasuke-teme kept calling me baby so I showed him my biceps and now he called me gay"

"That has nothing to do with your state of inebriation Naruto"

"Of course it doesn't!" His tone suggested he was trying to convince her, of what, she wasn't sure.

"We're celebrating peace time hag"

It's was known that Kakashi Hatake was very protective of his cherry blossom since she was twelve, more so when she was seventeen and he noticed her many attributes. He always knew she was caring, polite, lively, understanding, intelligent and skilful but when she turned seventeen he was well aware of the other side of attractiveness that most men were drawn towards. He understood her naivety and ignorance of the looks she got because she was so beautiful but when Sai called her 'hag' or 'ugly' she was hurt. He could see it even if she wouldn't admit it because she always felt inferior to others and Sai's long time horrible comments about her appearance diminished her self-esteem. So in order to prevent the drag of self worth, Sai would get a face full of fist when he called her names. So it was inevitable that Kakashi would punch Sai. He fell to the ground unconscious and with a nose bleed.

"What's with all of the violence Kakashi?" The voice of a familiar sannin could be heard above the ramblings of Lee's 'Youthful escapades with his beautiful kunoichi Tenten'.

Kakashi shielded Sakura slightly from the sannins view but it was all in vein once Jiraiya spotted the pink from the door. There was a many number of radiant woman present in the bar but once the writer of Icha Icha saw Sakura, he knew what they were talking about when they said she was worth it. Completely forgetting his sake mission, he waltzed on over to their table and leered at the pink haired female. He also knew what they were talking about when they said to watch out for Hatake because right now he was on the receiving end of a killer glare from the copy nin. He was guessing if the man used both his eyes then he'd literally be dead and buried.

The sannin took a seat beside his blue eyed protégé and took out a small notepad to write down a few ideas. It was the first time in his life he was actually going to do research. His first thought was on Kakashi and how he obviously held deep feelings for the sexy medic nin but when he looked a little closer, what he saw made him smile. Kakashi wasn't the only one smitten. Unbeknownst to the others Sakura was always stealing glances of the mysterious masked man and would smile every time she heard him speak. She was certainly hiding it better than Kakashi and he prided himself on being unreadable.

"So Naruto, I hear you got yourself a Hyuga"

"Yeah but her dad hates me and won't let us go out, so we gotta keep it's a secret" He zipped his lips and, despite nearly yelling it out, shushed the sannin when he went to speak again.

"So, Sakura-chan, how about modelling for me?" He wasn't supposed to say it out aloud, it just came out and now he felt it. The dark aura radiating from sharingan Kakashi, it felt like a thousand lightning storms rolled into one right over his head.

"Um, no thank you Jiraiya-sama"

"You can go naked if you're really uncomfortable" His mouth just had to keep going didn't it.

"Jiraiya-sama, could I please speak to you about your book in private?" Kakashi gave an eye crinkle. The toad sage knew he was in deep shit but followed him outside.

Sakura watched the copy nin walk out and it saddened her a little because she really liked spending time with him. Strike that. She loved spending time with him…no, she loved him. In her mind she was never good enough for anyone or anything, she new she was attractive but men only looked at her once before moving on to someone like Ino. Her best friend seemed to have all the luck when it came to men, except Shikamaru, as hard as pig tried se could never sink her claws into her teammate. Ino was quite pretty naturally but kept it hidden underneath all that make up and minimal clothing.

She sighed and played with the rim of her glass, making sounds with her fingers and staring into nothing. All her female genin friends had someone, with Ino it was a different someone every night (still not Shikamaru though), Hinata was with Naruto and Tenten…_poor Tenten_, she thought. To her recollection, the weapons specialist has been in love with 'destiny boy' since childhood but Neji _asswipe _never gave her the time of day. Since Lee gave up on wooing his cherry blossom, he found affection for his female team mate. _Their still not in love though, I can see it._

"Sakura-chan, h-hiccup-ow bout you and me go out –hiccup- back and d-do a lil' hanky panky?"

Kurenai heard this and slapped the back of the brunette womanizer's head, knocking out his senbon. Sakura silently thanked her "Knock it off idiot, she doesn't like you"

"Yeah Genma-san, We'll beat your ass if you touch Sakura-chan. Believe it!" With one last air punch, Naruto was down for the count face down in some unknown fluid.

"No Naruto-kun!" Lee was always friendlier with some spirits in his system "Kakashi-san will beat him to a pulp" He gave two thumbs up and a blinding grin to Naruto, who was still passed out "Perhaps I should take Naruto-kun home, I don't think he'll make it all the way"

Lee hauled Naruto over his shoulder, saluted the table and ran out the door just as Kakashi and Jiraiya returned. The romance novelist was a little worse for ware and looked like he was hit with a ton of iron coated bricks; Kakashi was smiling evilly–never a good sign. She gave him the 'why-do-you-even-bother-beating-him-up-when-he's-just-gonna-do-it-again' look which he returned with a shrug.

Sai and Sasuke were in the middle of an intense glaring competition and didn't notice the other conversations around them. With a thud Genma's head fell forward, luckily when Kurenai knocked him upside the head his senbon fell out, so when he'd hit the deck he wasn't impaled. Jiraiya brought out his notepad and continued where he left off but a drunk Gai sitting beside him, now that his old student was gone, prevented any research from happening. Gai, not so secretly, peered over the sannin's shoulder and read over the written notes.

"What do you want Gai?"

"What's all that about my eternal rival?"

"It's a secret" He was hoping the bushy browed instructor would be too drunk to remember anything he'd read.

"I'm very good at keeping secrets Jiraiya-sama!"

He was hoping to keep it private but he also wanted to know what people thought about the idea. So instilling some trust into 'spandex' Jiraiya told him his idea.

* * *

**A/N- I need some help people. I'm looking for really some weird crap Gai does to get into the book, so everyone put on your crazy hats and review!**

**e.g. Gai dresses up as a fat Micheal Jackson wearing a cowboy hat and swimming in a great big tub of jelly.**

**but I know you canm do so much better!**


	3. Ch2: An Average Day for Shinobi

**Sorry for the delay but this stupid computer is really a pain in the posterior, hopefully I can update soon. Thanks for reading so far!**

**Thank you to all the reviewers from the previous chapter:**

**addicted2reviews- Yes! Gai shall have dainty brows soon enough**

**moodiful819- Jiraiya is not the smartest penny in the fountain at times but he'll learn from his mistake soon enough and as for Gai, just wait and see**

**NinjaBethi.x.x- Hell I'm not a NajiHina fan but some of them are pretty good and I'm glad you gave mine a chance**

**OneSong05- I will certainly put more of the other couplings in but that'll be a fair while later, maybe two more chapters but as for Gai crackin' onto Tenten…maybe I could get Neji to be just as overprotective as Kakashi**

**Deathgirl997- I do to and I hope I can update on a regular basis**

**Alanna The Lioness- I've always loved the idea of Kakashi being overprotective/jealous even if it is ooc but I'm happy you still like it**

**fangirlqueen- I really loved your ideas especially the one about his rivalry with Kakashi lol**

**Norikoko- I know, sexy ninja guardian ;) who wouldn't want a piece of that**

**Maelynne Naveen- It is pretty sweet and I'd rather spend the day as an emo than have the unlucky misfortune of having to it beside someone like Gai. Don't get me wrong, he's highly enthusiastic but that spandex can't be good with his Taijutsu sweat. Pit patches, eww!**

**asuka02redeva- Aww, they'll be lots of huggles. Don't you worry!**

**Priestess Hinoto- Hmm sweet, I like sweet things and I sall update soon…like now.**

**Mystic Spirit Angel- That has given me many ideas (evil grin)**

**animeaddict99- It was my pleasure, I'm a huge fan of this pairing too!**

**pinky101- Great name! It sounds so cool…I hope this chapter lives up to your expectations**

**Artemis 85- Gai doing anything is scary**

**Pineapple Demon- I love it! Gai performing** **a one-man musical extravaganza about the life-cycle of a butterfly**** sounds very promising.**

**Furanshi93- I appreciate the reviews, keep that writing up.**

**torkess- sits on computer typing this placement thing you've got going shows promise Walks away to get food out of fridge Thanks for the tip!**

**Placid Snowflake- Everyone inspires me and yes. Gai in the nude would be gag worthy.**

**A werewolves beloved- XD**

**BelleDayNight- I always found it funny when Neji shows emotions and jealousy of someone like Lee, I have to agree, was one of the perks of doing that triangle. I don't know how their reactions will be just yet but i'm really excited too...my damn fingers won't type fast enough!**

_Chapter Two_

Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to start his research just yet, or tell Gai about his idea for his new book, or convince the beautiful green beast of Konoha that he'd be exempted from the book, or tell him who _would_ be in it. Now in his bed, at the luxury hotel Tsunade had given him as an incentive to steer clear of the female bath houses, he contemplated possible theories on time travel and the consequences. He would give anything to go back in time and prevent himself from telling 'spandex' (as K.C labelled him) about his new volume of Icha Icha. Because now Jiraiya had spent a whole morning ignoring the irritating tapping on his room door coming from the orange leg warming wearer about ideas for the character of 'Agi Tamoi – A big hunk of sexy man meat who believes in the power of youth and has an eternal rival that radiates coolness and wears a mask'. The lords above were cursing him for all those nights he'd spent fantasising about women he shouldn't, all by his lonesome with a box of tissues.

"Jiraiya-sama, the youth and spunk of Agi could be just what your story needs!" Gai shouted at him through the door.

He groaned trying to will away the green pest standing outside his room, who was really trying to get a character based on him in the book. He ran through several possibilities on how to rid himself of the bowl cut bug and came up with one fascinatingly clever idea. He rolled off of the bed and sprinted to the door, opening it with exuberance and greeting Gai with thumbs up.

"Gai, will you do _anything_ to be in the book?"

Gai tiered up and nodded his head while striking a ridiculous pose, showing the sannin how much he wanted it.

"Okay then, I will need you to run around Konoha fifty times wearing a ballerina costume singing 'the sound of music' deal?"

He pumped his fist in the air "YES!!!" he ran away to order his ballerina costume.

Now he could concentrate on getting better after the brutal beating the copy nin gave him. He was a sannin yet he couldn't dodge a few from a jealous copy cat ninja, who, by the way, didn't fail to mention the lack of entertainment his books were providing. Was it wrong to suggest he find a new entertainment, like having hot steamy sex with his pink haired former pupil? Yes, because he got belted for that too! Why, oh why, would his highly evolved brain fail him like that!

* * *

"For the love of all humanity! Where the hell is my shoe?!" All morning, all people had been hearing was some crazy woman screaming something about a shoe. On that exact same day many citizens reported a hyperactive blue eyed dog running around with a ninja sandal in his mouth and eating ramen at Ichiraku's. Once they put two and two together they guessed it was probably Naruto's way of confining Sakura to her house, while he searched for the skirt he'd borrowed from her. It also happened to be the same day a man in his thirties, reported a blonde haired man running around with a skirt on while being chased by a green monster with orange leg warmers, the night before. 

All Sakura cared about was finding her shoes so she could go to the tea house with her female friends. She jumped over a pile of discarded underwear and stumbled over her mountain of medical scrolls, only to find that her shoe wasn't there. She bit the side of her cheek to keep from punching a wall in frustration. Her landlord was already a tight ass without half his building being demolished. The man just _had_ to give her apartment a surprise inspection after she had her boys over for dinner, and Naruto just _had_ to comment about his hair loss while Sai called him 'dickless'. She swore and ran to her linen press hoping to find her lost right shoe in there but found only a giant pile of dirty sheets, damp towels, bags of garbage and a receipt for home brand lubricant. That would be the last time she asked the boys to clean up her house while she was away on a mission.

Her extensive search ended when a knock was heard. She looked around her house to see if it was suitable for company…it wasn't. Clothes were everywhere, books were laying all over the place, her favourite pair of panties were hanging from the light fixture, the lubricant receipt was on the coffee table and all the furniture was out of place. She jumped behind a pile and went soldier mode through the mess to get to the front door without tripping over. She jumped out from behind a pile of self help books Ino had given her for Christmas and opened the door, to a slither, to find Naruto on the other side.

"Naruto-kun, now is not a really great time" She blocked the rest of her apartment from his view and smiled, hoping he wouldn't try look inside.

"I just came to give you back these" He scratched the back of his neck and blushed under her scrutiny. She held the skirt and missing left sandal in her hands for a few seconds then glared at him "I've got to go see ero-sannin, bye Sakura!"

He was almost out when a hand yanked on the collar of his jacket and pulled him back into a fist "BAKA! How did you get my shoe, _and_ my skirt!"

"Sakura-chan it's just a misunderstanding, you see Lee made a bet with me last night…Sakura-chan what are you doing?"

She had an evil grin on her face and made a quick set of hand seals. Naruto suddenly found himself wearing Sakura's skirt while she had his pants "Okay, bye Naruto-kun"

She closed the door in his face and pulled on her sandal. She walked into her kitchen and grabbed her keys, checked the clock and bolted out the door because she was late. Naruto saw a blur of pink and realised it was the woman holding his pants hostage, so he ran after her, in her skirt. He noticed the breeze in his nether regions and wondered why it would be so cool and comfortable down there. Then it dawned on him, he spotted a few males covering their eyes and running in the opposite direction, mothers had covered their children's eyes because he wasn't wearing boxers. Hinata said she was taking them to her place to wash last night but he'd forgotten.

Meanwhile a pink haired kunoichi wondered why so many of Konoha's male population were vomiting their lungs up in the street rubbish bins, must've been food poisoning or a bug. She slowed down a bit considering the girls had probably just gotten there and she was in no rush, maybe just a little bit of a rush but not enough to run through a crowded street. The weekly meetings at the tea house only happened because it was so boring during peace time, as horrible as it was, some days she wished Orochimaru would rise from the dead and attack again, just so she could kick some pale homo-sannin ass. It wasn't all bad; the tea meetings were a free gossip time and a check in, of sorts, to see how each other were doing. No one would hold anything back and would just speak their minds, about others. Not once has any of the four of them brought up an issue of their own, except Ino, but they weren't really issues. More like specific unwanted details.

She always managed to steer the conversation away from her own love-life, the girls hated it but she was thankful it worked. Her thoughts on the dynamics of their weekly meetings came to an abrupt halt when a distinct flash of pink drifted in her peripheral vision. She turned in time to see Gai wearing a very revealing ballerina costume, complete with silk slippers and crown. As far as she knew, he hadn't made a bet with Kakashi so that couldn't be it. Then it got worse as Roger and Hammerstein's 'the sound of music' was sung off key and dry reached when he bent over to pick up a stray penny. Who would of thught that Gai's hair growth problem extended to his butt? (A/N I apologise for the image that may have given you)

She'd have to get a few more details about that later but just then she heard a shrill voice call her name.

"Sakura!" Ino was not usually one to keep quiet.

"Good morning Ino, Tenten, Hinata. How are you all today?"

Ino was almost pissing her self from excitement "Guess what?!"

"Seven" Was the medic's response to the blonde's rhetorical question. Ino gave her the 'seriously-not-funny' look and jutted her jaw to the side "Oh! Sorry you don't _really_ want me to guess…go on" The other two giggled.

"Well, it started two days ago when I went shopping for stuff for my new bed because I could not stand the old sheets and the flat pillows. Anyway I was walking past robes n' things when I spotted this water fountain-"

Tenten came to the rescue "Long story short, Ino has a minute crush and won't tell us who it is"

"Hey! It's not a minute crush!"

"Ino-chan, you can tell us all about it when we get a table" Hinata the strong voice of reason halted any venture into a future argument and blushed when they looked at her. She still was a softie at heart.

They took a seat away from all the other customers so they could resume their beginning topic for the outing.

"Well, starting from the fountain. I walked over to the fountain 'cause it looked so pretty when I spotted a weapon store and guess who was inside"

"Michael Jackson" Sakura stated as if she'd been beside the blonde that day, the two other girls giggled.

"Damn it forehead, not funny!"

"They thought it was!"

"Any way" Ino ground the syllables through her teeth "I swear he's so hot, and if his reputation is anything to go by -squeal- I could die a happy woman!"

"Who?"

"Genma Shiranui" A light pink colouring spread over Ino's cheeks. Sakura spluttered and coughed trying to breathe properly but had trouble getting air into her lungs.

"Well good luck with that one pig, just don't get hurt"

Her bright blue eyes bore into Sakura's emerald ones "You don't think he's too old?"

"No" It was Sakura's turn to go red, once she was thinking about her and a certain jounin her mind didn't stop with platonic thoughts. It was a dirty habit but after spending enough time with Naruto and Sai, her mind was rarely out of the gutters.

"You know him, don't you Sakura?"

"I do"

"Can you hook a friend up?"

She really did not want Ino hurt but she agreed to it anyway. The waitress came and took their orders, stopping by another table full of males to flirt a bit. It was a sickening display of boob showing and high pitched giggles, all the while they realised it was cutting into their time because she still hadn't gotten their order in.

"Where has people's modesty gone nowadays?"

"Don't tell me you've never flirted with a patient Sakura"

"Pig, I'm not like that"

"Hey! I mean come on! How many Anbu have you had to heal, there's got to be a few you've liked"

They'd lost the cherry blossom. She was now going through a very raunchy scenario with Kakashi in his Anbu outfit, rescuing her from the clutches of Lee because of a jealous fit. The girls tried waving a hand in front of her face but none could get her to come out of the daze, what ever she was thinking about looked good because she had a goofy smile on her face. Tenten and Hinata both knew that for the last four years Sakura held a few things back, namely, her affection for her ex-sensei so they said the first thing that came into their devious minds.

"Is that Kakashi-sensei?"

Thinking she'd been caught, Sakura blushed ten shades of red and returned to the living. She apologised for spacing out and figured that she needed a drink.

"Sorry guys but I really must see Tsunade, I'll talk to you some other time" She slammed down some money for the bill and ran out the door hoping they wouldn't follow her and ask questions, like they usually did. They stared after their friend.

"She didn't even get her order yet"

* * *

_The powerful man was always drawing attention to himself with his confident aura and look of pure danger. Women always found Goro irresistible and nothing had changed once he'd returned to his home town. His back was pained from the long wary travels through mist country and fighting off the bandits who dare come near him. He found a lake just outside the village where a beautiful young maiden bathed, the sunlight that broke through the confines of the forest canopy spilt over her figure making her seem as if she glowed. Her_ …Jiraiya glanced up from his paper and watched the three women bathing, one had dirty blonde hair, one brunette and the last one had dark chestnut hair almost chocolate but very wavy. 

He brought the pen to the paper and continued…_silky chocolate locks cascaded down her curved back, just above her soft delectable derriere. With the silence of his footsteps, the young woman never gave sign of knowing a dark stranger was about to interrupt her cleansing ritual._

"Cleansing ritual? You can do better than that, Jiraiya-sama"

The sannin scoffed at the copy nin but scribbled out the last two words regardless. He stood up, knowing that with the irritatingly calm man there he wouldn't be able to do a minutes worth of writing. The women still bathed, too absorbed in their own conversation to hear both perverted and infamous ninja argue about the subtle clichés of the author's latest works.

"You don't know what it takes to come up with descriptions of different women, they're all pretty much the same. They've all got tits, an ass and two holes!"

"Jiraiya, as much as I may seem calm and aloof, that is just vulgar and quite offensive to women"

"All I'm trying to say is that it's hard to come up with new characters. It's not like I can write 'Her body made him want to flip her over and mount her like a lion' It just doesn't sound right"

"It wouldn't be predictable"

Two eyes narrowed at the copy nin for the crack about his book because he already learnt that his books weren't up to par with his typical interesting ones, he'd been told countless times already. Not only did the man beside him have the attention of a ravishing young woman but he was an arrogant smart ass, who stole his analysis time. Research time was now reserved for probing questions about every ones love lives. He settled for ignoring the joke, in favour of getting a few questions answered.

"I need a drink, care to join me?" _So I can get you drunk and open about your little obsession._

"I have to hand in a mission report that was due a few days ago, and catch up on some reading" He held up a single scroll that looked none to thick and presumably held only a few words in the main report. Veni vidi vici – I came, I saw, I conquered was his conventional mission report detailing.

"Oh, and if you see Gai tell him he can stop" _That green clad stud muffin's probably still going, can't be good for my health if Tsunade finds out_

The masked man decided it was best not to ask questions.

* * *

The rosette haired kunoichi stood outside the familiar shinobi hotspot and stared the whiteboard target set up out the front of the bar. A few other civilians stopped and stared for a few seconds but continued on, not giving another minutes thought towards the strangeness of it all. She needed to clear her mind of impure thoughts about a certain jounin. Entering the bar, even if it was early, she had nothing else to do and she had to work at the hospital tomorrow. Most shinobi had a saying 'Early start, early finish'. In other words: If you had a mission the next day, it was best to start drinking early so you could finish early and get a good nights sleep. Of course they could have just not drunk but what kind of weirdo would do that? 

Remembering the whiteboard target she decided to inquire about its sudden appearance "Hey K.C!"

The surly man came bustling from the back of the bar and approached the kunoichi "What can I do for you Sakura-chan?"

"Why have you got a target in the middle of the entrance?"

"Well I was sick of going on a fucking treasure hunt to find the morning paper"

"So you set up a target?"

"And I watched him this morning, smart ass bastard, he got the target mind you, even if he was a dick head"

"HE'S ONLY EIGHT!!!"

"Kids still a dick head, I'm sure you're not here just to ask me about that. What can I get you?"

"Something strong, Ino's gotten herself infatuated with Genma now"

"That woman needs to learn how to close her legs" He pulled out a large bottle filled with clear liquid and two glasses, pouring a small amount in each, he slid the other over to Sakura.

"I'll drink to that"

The drink seemed to unleash a lot of emotions from her, like anxiety. The most prominent of them because she was always afraid of letting slip her little secret, fearing that he would just laugh in her face or get angry with her. Sakura stared at the bitter sweet clear liquid in her glass as a stray tear made its way down her cheek. She hadn't cried in four years, since her mother died and she was left alone with her overprotective father. No one loved their father as much as Sakura loved hers, Eitoku Haruno. She got her eyes from her father and everything else from her mother, except her hair. For some strange reason she ended up with pink hair which was completely different everyone else. Eitoku used to say her hair came from her great grandmother but her great grandmother also had purple eyes and was a psychic. In short, her great grandmother was a nutter and that may have been a cause for concern because of Inner Sakura but she was still functioning and not talking to an imaginary friend named Paki, as her great grandmother often did. So the cherry blossom was safe from being dragged to an insane asylum.

Her next few drinks came and went by quicker than she thought and soon enough Sakura was smashed. She ended her crying session quickly as her thoughts continued to drift around the subject of her affections but her mouth seemed to be against her and her deepest inner most feelings became words.

"Hey K.C! Did-d you know I hado sit on a stooool to g-get any attention" She giggled and downed another drink "And I still like that twisted pervert!"

"Really Sakura-chan, I had no idea you felt that way about me" Jiraiya's leering grin sent the few sober females in the place running.

"Not you, you assss!" She glared at him.

"Oh really" Suddenly noticing the other man in the bar, he asked a question that he'd been pondering over "K.C, what's with the target?"

"Kioshi-san was sick of goin' on a fuckin' treashoor hunt to find the mornin' paper, Jiraiya-sama" She giggled and grinned and then asked for more of whatever the hell she was drinking.

"So beautiful cherry blossom-"

"Don' call me that" Her voice was dark and raspy, almost as if she despised what he said.

His brows furrowed "Don't call you what?"

"Beautiful" she let out a hollow laugh "Don' speak unless is true"

"Oh but it is" pausing, he thought. Maybe, seeing as she'll barely recall anything tomorrow, he'd cut her some slack and tell her exactly what everyone else knew "At least Kakashi thinks so"

Her bright green eyes stared up at him hopefully "Really?" he nodded "Good. 'Cause I love Kashi-kun and I nevr tole him that, so shhh"

"Why keep it a secret? And while we're on the subject of potential boyfriends, why haven't you dated anyone since I was last here?"

"Well, you know my dad" He vaguely recalled the man, he was the one who'd punched him for hitting on Michiko, Sakura's mother "When mom died, dad said I could'n date 'til I was t-twenny-one and Kashi-kun keeps bashin' up all the guys that toush me but its only 'cause I'm still lil' to him. But don' tell him that 'cause I like it when he potects me"

He pulled out his notepad and wrote it all down; it was all gold in his book. He also wrote a few draft sentences for his novel.

_He'd known of this kunoichi since her early years but knew not of the tortured heart she held. Her emerald eyes held sadness and fear, fear of rejection from the only one who could cure her misery. Her heart was in the hands of a man she thought held no feelings other than friendship towards her, little did she know; his heart was in her hands too. _

_Her father was her protector and also her guard for she was imprisoned in his ways of propriety and heavenward standards. Though her mother had passed, her father still saw that small trace of his wife in his daughter and planned to keep it safe, afraid the last of his love would die. His daughter knew this, and because of that she never pushed her father into accepting her love but waited for the time when he would let her be, with the man who she'd known since childhood; The man who held her heart but was unaware._

_As he spoke with the depressed young woman he saw, that even in sorrow she was beautiful and fragile. Her rosette hair fell over her glazed eyes, shielding her emotions from his view._

"_Sakura, why do you not tell him of these feelings you hold?"_

_A single tear fell from her eye travelling over the smooth ivory skin of her cheek and dropped onto the cold hard mahogany bar bench._

"_I-I…_

"Hey, what's that you got there Jirya-sama?"

"He he" He let out a nervous laugh "Just a draft"

"Oh, ok then" Seeing the, usually energetic, woman beat herself up like this made him a little sadder. But his musings on the feelings of others were broken off when a ballerina Gai and porn reading Kakashi entered the bar.

"Ah Jiraiya-sama, it seems Gai wished to show you of his…endeavours himself. Is this why you have readers block Jiraiya, a closet case are you? You should know that we'd accept you, it's natural after all"

"Piss off Kakashi, I'm not gay and for fuck's sake Gai! Go put something normal on for a change!"

"Yosh!" He was about to exit when a sloshed voice called him back.

"Gai-sensei, maybe you could wax those carpet monsers of yours and maybe youd get a few chiky babs onto ya!" She giggled again "An cut the 'youthful' sayin's, is soooo 'noying"

Gai's eyes widened, Kakashi chuckled and Jiraiya was on the ground in hysterics. This caught the attention of the ballerina man himself and he got the drift that maybe, if he were to get in the book he'd have to have a few 'problems' of his own. He raised his hand and saluted the giggling kunoichi "Wise as ever beautiful cherry blossom, I shall wax the most part of my luscious brows, purchase Kakashi style clothes and withhold from using my most favoured 'youthful' sayings"

Kakashi almost lost his cool but retained that aloof look he'd had since his teen years, Jiraiya started spluttering and staring, wondering if his friend was in his right mind –then again, Gai was never really in his right mind. Sakura rose from her seat with tears of pride brimming and she clapped, which turned into an applause from the rest of the bar who'd heard the green jounin's statement. He turned with his head held high, still wearing the tutu and crown, and left.

"Did he actually do that?" The sannin was still surprised, maybe he was that desperate for Agi to be included. Truth be told, he wasn't planning on changing any names.

"I believe so" Kakashi shook himself out of his dazed stupor and remembered why he was there in the first place "Yo K.C, what's with the target?"

The author answered this time "He was sick of going on a fucking treasure hunt to find the morning paper"

Kakashi nodded in understanding, he shifted his view to the only kunoichi there "Tsunade wants to see-…Are you drunk?"

She turned to him with a lopsided grin and tipped her head in the affirmative "Yup!"

He pinched the bridge of his nose and glared at the sannin. Affronted, the sannin felt the need to defend himself "I didn't get it for her!"

"Come on Sakura-chan, let's get you home" Even though he could hardly resist her pout he kept on pressing the matter "I've got good news, it's a mission"

Her eyes lit up as she jumped off of the stool and ran hastily out the door albeit a little clumsily. He waved goodbye after paying for her drinks, she'd have to pay him back tomorrow, and headed out after her.

He caught up with her out side the local grocery store because she was _talking_ to the local grocery store. If she hadn't stopped he was doubtful he would have found her. Using the ninja skills he reserved for A-rank missions and hospital dodging, he crept behind and scooped her up in his arms. She was alarmed at first but relaxed once she learnt who it was and wrapped her arms around his neck, her face found its way comfortably in his chest. He smiled and so did the sannin that was following them.

_They both were comfortable in the companionable silence, his strong arms held her petite body in his warm embrace as he travelled to her place of stay…_No, that's sounds wierd...Ah! ..._ as he travelled to her home in which her no one was waiting for her. Her eyes fluttered closed while he lulled her into a drunken sleep with his melodic heart beat and tender hold. The moonlight reflected on the couple, showing the world what they had to offer as one, yet they were frightened of loving and loss. But in the each others presence they could at least pretend they were brave, pretend they were not afraid, pretend they were together as lovers and not just as friends…_

"This is gold" He kissed his notepad and returned it to his cloak so he could follow the two on their way home.

The pink haired girl muttered in her light sleep; a few inanimate objects here, a few 'Naruto you baka' and a lot of nonsense about nothing. Then Kakashi's keen ears picked up a change in her breathing as she opened her eyes for a few short moments to let slip three words he thought he'd never here from her.

"Les haf sex" His visible eye widened a fraction, clearing his throat he went back to walking now that she was asleep again. Jiraiya chuckled at her tactless approach but went back to following them. _It would have been a little more romantic if she just said 'I love you'_

They arrived at the apartment she'd bought a while back to separate herself from her parents and learn how to grow up. Searching for the key in her pockets he found them and carried her inside. Kakashi found his way to her bedroom and laid her down on the soft cotton white sheets as he often did when he found her drunk. She always returned the favour when he'd been at the bar and couldn't walk home properly. He pulled the covers over her and scribbled a note for her to find once she'd woken up. Before leaving he found a box of asprin and left them on the kitchen table beside a glass and wash cloth. She was the medic after all, a simple jutsu could get rid of her hangover.

Jiraiya waited until the copy nin came back out and 'poofed' out of sight before disappearing himself. It seemed a regular occurrence for Kakashi to drag an intoxicated Sakura home.

Sakura however had just woken up after losing the calming aroma and warmth that had sent her to la la land in the first place. She was still drunk but not as bad as before hand, she caught sight of a note on her dresser.

**Sakura-chan,**

**Tsunade wants to see you for a meeting at nine in the morning. Don't be late. **

**Kakashi ˚-)**

* * *

**A/N It's moving a little strangly in this chapter but it's mainly so you can get used to the thoughts and book excerpts, the next chapter is actually going somewhere - except for the bar. No bar scenes in the next chapter, as much as I love them. **


	4. Ch3: Mission packing

**_I am so so sorry for the long wait, I had to ditch an over grown hamster that was pink and fluffy and obsessed with peaches to get this done, you better be happy people _:_D (Lopsided grin hehe)_**

_**Disclaimer:**__** I do not own Naruto or anything affiliated with aforementioned anime title.**_

_**Thank you to all reviewers! Individual appreciations after chapter so read first…**_

_Chapter Three_

The morning sun broke through the plain white curtains and splayed over the form of the sleeping woman wrapped up in her own pale bed spread. She heard the birds squawking and the people walking to and fro just outside her window a few floors down, and the sounds of children playing happily in the park across from where she lived. She heard the sounds of the lady who lived below her, the trumpet player, and her husband who was a trombone player. But right at that moment she hated them all.

"SHUT UP!" The trumpet temporarily ceased but after a few seconds it began again with the trombone to accompany it. She grumbled and pulled the fluffy pillow over her head to block out the sounds from the outside world. With reluctance Sakura managed to pick herself up and drag her body weight over to the bathroom to chuck up the majority of her stomach contents. She briefly glanced at the steamy yellow/green bile floating on the surface of the water and puked again. She reached for a towel to wipe away any residue of vomit and gripped the side of the basin to drag herself up. Facing the mirror she saw her frazzled reflection. Her hair was sticking out at odd ends, her eyes were puffy and she…well, she looked like crap.

"What did I do last night?" She muttered to herself, not really paying attention to much around her. Scuffling over to her drawers to grab some clothes, she spotted a note on her dresser. Apparently she'd read it the night before because below the note in scribbly handwriting, was her own drunken words:

**I c u soon Kashi-kun :D**

Of course in her incapacitated state she didn't have any clue as to whether the man would actually read her own little message but the gesture was nice. She stumbled through her hallway into the large living area that led into her kitchen, trying to hold herself up without groaning in agony. It was one of her worse hangovers, not quite as bad as the one she'd gotten after her 21st birthday but still pretty horrid. She made it to the kitchen and noticed the box of asprin along with a glass and washcloth. A smile found its way to her pale face. Kakashi knew the drill. Every time she was too drunk to walk home he'd take her and leave the things she'd need to recover, as she would do for him when he was –rarely- drunk.

She took two pills and slipped them into her mouth, washing them down with some water to re hydrate her body. The cool water flowed over the washcloth while it soaked up the liquid for her to cool down her temperature. The cloth was placed on the back of her neck, instantly making her feel better than when in her gagging state. Now lying on her couch, stable enough to perform her medical jutsu, Sakura soothed her headache with the chakra gently streaming from her fingers.

She breathed a sigh of relief and relaxed. Her mind drifted from thoughts of what may or may not have happened the previous night and what awfully embarrassing acts she may have committed in front of any one she knew. She laughed at her stupidly written words on that note Kakashi had left her, a quick look at the clock on the wall and her laughter soon turned to sobs. She slumped in her seat for a few moments to recover from the shock of realising she was now 'Copy nin style' late. It was ten in the morning. Recently she'd taken up some of his more irritating habits, she was usually punctual. Dashing out of her door, the apartment barely had time to mourn the loss of its inhabitant.

* * *

"I swear Sakura, this is becoming infuriating!" Tsunade glared at her hung over student who'd made it the same time as Kakashi had, completely ignoring her assistant beside her desk and the pervert standing next to her window.

"I'm so sorry Tsunade-shishou it won't happen again"

"Why were you so late?"

"Hangover" Kakashi's one word had given Sakura an incentive to glare at him and call him a traitor. Tsunade stopped her ranting and sat back in her chair, the anger was non existent.

"It happens to the best of us Sakura-chan" her eyes shifted from left to right as she tried to stealthily kick the empty sake bottle under her desk. It hit a leg, they couldn't hear because she'd gone into a series of coughs "Sorry, sore throat. You two have received a mission. There's no four man team this time because we need this to be quiet and most of our shinobi nowadays are far from the silent type.

Kakashi, you're tracking down a young man who's been kidnapped from a clan, very rich. The boy was kidnapped by what we assumed is a gang opposed to the uprise of the Harikawa clan. When you find him, Sakura, you need to heal all of his injuries. Apparently when they discovered his disappearance there was a large amount of blood. Here are your mission details" She handed a plain white scroll to Kakashi "No screw ups, he has to be brought here for a wedding"

Sakura's brow furrowed in confusion "Wedding?"

"You'll find out when you return. You are to leave by three this afternoon, dismissed"

The two exited the room leaving Tsunade, Jiraiya and Shizune to lay their money on the table. Kakashi strolled leisurely towards the exit with Sakura in toe wondering what they were betting on. He gave the scroll to Sakura and pulled out what seemed to be _Icha Icha Tactics_, the one Naruto gave him. She rolled her eyes and read the contents of the scroll.

"Kakashi?"

"Hmm"

"It says the Harikawa clan are from Suna, why aren't they retrieving him?"

"Tsunade says he has to attend a wedding here. Are you really complaining about getting a mission?"

"No! I'm just curious is all" She gave him a very childish pout, he couldn't resist ruffling her hair "I am not a child Kakashi-kun"

He had the urge to mutter a 'Don't I know it' but bit it back. He was happy just to watch her from the corner of his eye like he'd done for the past five years, the first whole year he had no idea he was doing it. He was lucky before her 21st birthday that only about half the males in Konoha found her attractive but never made a move, thinking she was untouchable, those were the days. He could go to sleep knowing she was safe from being raped, molested or otherwise in her own home. He may have been a bit forward in his thinking but he was tremendously scared for her safety.

Then she had to go and get drunk on her 21st birthday and take her top off in front of the whole town squashed into a bar, while she danced on the table like a pro, he liked it of course but he didn't want every other male to see it too. Usually she wore very conservative clothing that was perfect for her line of work and she could keep everything she needed in her pockets. The worst part was, she went and kissed Ino as a dare. If there weren't already males following her, there were now horny lesbians too. It was the first time in his life he felt like throwing a tantrum, like a kid who wants candy and sits on the floor in the middle of the room until he gets it. He vowed to always watch out for her; every time she got drunk he would take her home and make sure she sobered up before she did anything that stupid again.

It wasn't like he didn't get anything out of the deal. When she passed out he volunteered to take her home, he was probably the only one sober enough. As soon as she was out the door she regained consciousness and kissed him. It was only chaste on the lips but she still did it, then went back to sleep, even if she was drunk it affected him and he found it hard to keep his cool composure. Now he had to go on a mission with her and it looked like it was a month long. _Curse these infernal love novels, if only they weren't so damn addictive.

* * *

_

"You're not going and that's final!" The blonde woman's words rang throughout the whole building.

"But I'm not going to disrupt their mission and I'm still the toad sage" He let out a deep husky laugh "Come on Tsunade, how else will we find out who's won the bet?"

She grumbled "Fine! Go, follow them but keep your distance and be quiet!"

"Yes ma'am" He rubbed his hands together in excitement. His feet were inches from the door when Tsunade called to him in a deathly tone.

"And if you spy on this village's top medic it won't be just Kakashi that'll hurt you. She's a chip of the old block, a credit to her mentor. Don't you think?" She gave him a sickly sweet smile and cracked her knuckles. He edged slowly towards the door and nodded rapidly "good, we'll see you in a month Jiraiya"

* * *

"What the HELL?!" Sakura was white as a ghost as she had an iron grip on Kakashi's vest. His one visible eye twitched, he had to agree with Sakura on that. Standing before them was a sore sight for eyes, it was Gai. Not the regular garden variety green spandex lovin' Gai but a monster in imitation clothing. He'd attempted a hair do like Kakashi's but years of 'the bowl cut' had left a strange affect on it. The hairs near the crown were sticking up but the rest were still firm in their ways with a few stray strands sticking out. He had waxed his eyebrows but not just part but all, he had _no_ eyebrows left. He'd ditched the green for an outfit exactly like the copy nin's, sans the mask and droopy headband.

"Gai, um…what…what is…er…well…what?"

"You see Sakura-chan" He whipped out a book from his pouch, she was almost afraid of seeing an orange cover but it read the words 'Hip Lingo for Dummies'. _Oh dear god, what has gotten into him?_

"Yo, my homies from da west side of town have pimped up da meister to be shlick. We be down wit youse all. I stealed your…just a second" He flipped through a few pages of the book and glanced over the lines, he bit his nail and muttered a few _oh's_ and _aha's_. He looked back up "When you be spastic on da love juice, you sayin' I change my threads…" He looked back at the book and struggled to make a hand gesture. Mumbling some more, he got it "fool"

Sakura was speechless and Kakashi wasn't quite sure what to say either. Gai was standing in a ridiculous pose, arms crossed on an angle and his head to the side like a gangsta. She tugged on the stunned man's sleeve to get his attention.

"What the hell did he say?" She looked like she'd seen a ghost but unfortunately, no "Please tell me we can reverse this"

"I'm not sure, just walk away and hope he doesn't follow" They slowly backed away, thankful that he was distracted because of calling anonymous civilians 'fools'.

They were close to Ichiraku's when they felt it was safe to relax. In all the years Kakashi had known Gai, he'd never come close to something that idiotic and ridiculous. Once he'd made out with a log but he thought he was alone, so that didn't count. Gai had always seemed set in his ways from the time they first met, about 25 years previous, they were both ten when the young beady eyed boy proclaimed Kakashi his eternal rival. He always sounded like he was on crack, now he sounded like he was selling it.

"SAKURA-CHAN! KAKA-SEMPAI!" Naruto called them over to the small restaurant and patted the stools beside him. Now a lot taller and much like his father, Naruto seemed like a child trapped in a man's body. Sakura had always assumed he lacked the part of the brain that helped the process along but he was a shot for the next hokage so maybe that wasn't the case.

"We can't stay for long, we have a mission to pack for"

"What! No fair, I haven't gone on one for so long. Figures, baa-chan always gives away the good ones and I get stuck with stupid D-rank's"

Kakashi finished counting on his fingers "Naruto, you just came back from a mission and it was S-class if I'm correctly informed"

"Yeah, well. I don't care!"

"Baka!" Sakura hit him over the head… "We've got to go pack, I'll see you in a month" …and gave him a quick hug "By the way, have you heard about a wedding being held around here?"

He scratched his head and slurped up the rest of his bowl. Effortlessly holding up his hand for another order "I think I heard Hinata-chan talking about a wedding but she didn't know much about it"

_

* * *

They walked alongside each other in a companionable silence willing the day to keep going as it was, just so they could spend a few extra moments in each others presence. Her short rosette hair tickled the nape of her neck as her bouncy step reflected the mood she held in her heart. Happiness. The older man beside gazed at her longingly wishing he had but a fraction of the hope and naivety t__hat she encompassed, wishing he had her. His eyes held her in the corner of his vision, possessiveness crept over him challenging the unknown males for his place at her side. His glare deathly but never for her, if he could not be with her then he would protect her till he no longer had breath in his body. She had invaded his dreams, if the nights weren't spent fantasizing about the young women, they were used to release tension on his sexually frustrated body. His hand quickly became his dearest friend on those cold and lonely nights._

_Her angelic laughter rang clear through the crowded streets, his chuckle deep and husky, they were complete opposites yet drawn together. How the cliché of romance affects the reality of life, one would think that life itself was a book filled with plots, twists and a comatose lover who was in actual fact your sister dating your abandined vengeful son. Irony at its best. The overall irony was that the woman who had captured his attention was his student, former at best, but a student none the less. Somehow in the deep dark recesses of his jaded old mind, that concept did not deter him at all, hence the sudden appreciation of his nimble appendages. Naughty nurse dreams can only go so far.

* * *

_

Ino was not known to be one of the smartest people on the planet nor was she known to be particularly perceptive but she did have the ability to put two and two together. Lately she had noticed her old team mates lack of interest in anything female, not that he showed much interest in the first place but it was on the verge of complete denial of the opposite sex. His deep chocolate eyes seemed content to just look around, as if he had no sex drive what so ever. Even worse than that he seemed to take extra care with his appearance, he got his hair cut and his clothes were always washed and ironed. His apartment was clean as a whistle and when her and Chouji visited he always had a batch of cookies made for them. Something was up and she had a feeling of what it was. Shikamaru was gay.

She contemplated over her recent revelation trusting her instincts that it was not what it seemed. Further time would have been spent pondering the issue but she was interrupted when Sakura stumbled through the flower shop door.

"Hey forehead, what's up?"

"Just wanted to say goodbye, I'm heading off for a mission today" Ino waited "And to ask if you could please take care of my house, I'd ask the boys but after what I found yesterday I'm not too keen on the idea and…"

"Sakura, it's fine" Emerald eyes softened in relief "How long are you gone for?"

"A whole month, we've got to find this guy and get him back here in time for a wedding"

"We? Who are you going with if Sasuke, Naruto and Sai are staying here?" Sakura laughed nervously and flushed a little. Ino crossed her arms smugly and lent back in her chair "Its Kakashi isn't it?" Her eyes widened and her whole face became crimson "Don't be ashamed, he does have a nice butt"

"What?! Ino-no it's no-I mean hones-It's not-um-don't you thin-it…what?"

"All I'm saying is he's attractive, under all those baggy clothes…you're his medic, you should know" Just as Ino said, Sakura did know and she had to agree he was _very_ attractive under all those baggy clothes. There was nothing about him that she disliked, even his bad habits she thought were funny but the lateness took a while to get used to.

"Yeah…Anyway I've got to finish packing, you've got my key haven't you? Oh! Remember to tell Hinata that she has to see Tsunade tomorrow about some hospital stuff and can you take my clothes to the laundry and if you have time can you water my plants. Thanks bye!"

Ino had hardly anytime to say goodbye before realising she just involuntarily agreed to do her house chores.

* * *

Was anything sacred in his house anymore or was it just for that bloody pups amusement. Kakashi stared at the pile of material and toiletries that was once his packed bag _damn dog can't keep his paws to himself._ He was ready to go and already an hour late when he discovered he had no soap, contrary to people's beliefs he liked to be clean and tidy, his clothes just wrinkled odd and his hair was and always had been a rats nest. So he left his house in search of soap and came back with his bag looking like it'd been in a cyclone.

"Pakun, when I left you in charge of this house last time did you hold a kegger while I was gone and trash the place, or did you look after it like you do my luggage?"

The small puggy dog ambled over to his master and plopped his wrinkly little behind on the cool wooden floor. He stared blankly at Kakashi "Why are you so chipper about getting a month long mission?"

"I'm not chipper"

"Yes you are, the only reason you like staying in this village is those books, the monument and that girl who uses the same shampoo as me. You can tell me Kakashi, are you running of to join some cult?"

As much as he loved Pakun, the small dog was very pessimistic and not that funny "You'll find out because you're coming"

"When did I agree to that?!"

"You just like arguing don't you?" The dog's ears drooped and he nodded "We've got to track a kid that went missing on a trip not far from Suna"

"Not a solo, eh?"

"Sakura was assigned as medic and I have to track him down, well you have to track him down. So maybe you should've packed a bag"

"Now you tell me, what about my blankie and hygiene products?"

"I'm sure Sakura will let you borrow hers"

The puppy grumbled and went to pack his things for the long trip, he was clearly not happy about having to cancel his planned vacation but duty called. Kakashi could get back to deciding whether to put _Icha Icha Violence_ or _Icha Icha Renegade_ into his suitcase, in the end he decided that both would be the best option to take.

* * *

_**A/N If anyone has any ideas on what Jiraiya writes in his books tell me, I'd love to know what you think his gutter mind could come up with!**_

_**Artemis 85**__** – It took me a while to figure out how to do it, but I got it!**_

_**asuka02redeva – Who wouldn't like a 'kaka' blanket to cuddle up next to…hmm.**_

_**Jovianwolfgirl – hehehe…next is the beginning of the mission! **_

_**Eralda – I wanted more KakashixSakura action so that's why they're on a mission together. **_

_**fangirlqueen – I think Sakura's not is even cooler but Kakashi's smilry face was pretty awesome.**_

_**Norikoko – I have a habit of doing a lot of bar scenes but my uncle and aunty owned a few so you can see where it stems from. Kioshi's actually based on my Uncle!**_

_**moodiful819 – Writing as if you're Jiraiya is really hard, especially when you're the complete opposite to a perverted, old, tall man with strength in the upper arms. I really hope the Icha Icha excerpts are easy enough to understand.**_

_**pinky101 – YOU ROCK! (holds up hand in rock n' roll salute)**_

_**SweetAssassin – It seems a fair few people liked the sign at the end of the note…maybe I should put a few more in.**_

_**Mystic Spirit Angel – Love the enthusiasm! Yeah, more people should be this positive **_**:D**

_**kakura001 **_– _**I know, I'm not that great at summaries but thank you for givin' it a chance. I may be changing it to M soon because of Jiraiya's dirty mind and the swearing from some of the characters.**_


	5. Ch4: Kakakun's escapades

**I am so so so so sorry for the really long wait, my only excuse is a case of writers block and exams. But I have finally updated Thank you for waiting for this chapter!**

_Chapter Four_

The crunch of the gravel under three sets of footsteps could be heard from his position in the trees. Not even a day away from Konoha and the pug was already complaining, whether it was his lack of food or the fact that he had to walk all the way. Kakashi had explained several times that the man that was missing may have been taken to someplace near fire's border so it was best to be alert at all times. The puppy then countered that he in fact did not care because he was tired and hungry, not the best of arguments but he felt pretty confident about it.

Jiraiya was waiting for something to happen between the two and was quite cranky because it was taking so long. Even after no more than a day away from the bath houses, he was beginning to detox. At least he had a good view of Sakura's back end from were he was perched, he just hoped the copy nin wouldn't catch him staring at her like he was. Sakura would probably tear him a new one if she found out that he was meters away from biting her butt like a piece of taffy, her hips moved just right. She was much like her mentor, in the sense that she was sensual but feisty and her legs looked firm enough to ride a bull bareback. He grinned at the mental picture he received.

Even if he was jumping from branch to branch constantly he could hear what they were saying and it perturbed him somewhat.

"I really don't think he'd be able to live up to his supposed reputation" She had discussed this topic with her mentor several times over a bottle of sake and a deck of cards, most of the time Tsunade just complained about the toad sannin's tactless approach in wooing her and every other woman within a thirty mile radius. Along with all those books had to come some ounce of truth, her mentor had argued. But Sakura was very sure that if anything, Jiraiya had created some fantastic jutsu that could delve into the mind of a modern day Casanova and borrow his steamy encounters for use in his books. That or he had a hell of an imagination "He just doesn't seem to be that skilled in those particular areas"

Pakun snorted, in a very small pug like doggy way "In his younger years he could have given Kakashi a run for his money"

Kakashi sent a glare to the pug over his shoulder while Sakura raised a delicate eyebrow "So you're saying Kakashi is a bit of a player, I would've never have guessed" She shifted her backpack and strolled leisurely to the front of the group taking in the sights and smells of the outdoors.

Kakashi was extremely close to shoving his foot up the pugs behind for even mentioning his philandering from his younger years. He hadn't slept with a woman in a few months, which was an incredible gap, given his longest one before that was just over a week. It just didn't feel right unless it was _her_ or he said _her_ name, why did she have to be so unattainable? It was highly awkward one morning when he woke up with a red haired woman who screamed at him that her name was _Akira_ not Sakura, the only reason he remembered her name after that was because an old friend of his was also named Akira and he was male. Safe to say he tried with all his might to keep away from her for a very long time.

"Yeah Kakashi was all over the ladies or should I say, they were all over him. Eh Kakashi?" Pakun let out a bark his master not very impressed with his slack jaw and inability to hold his tongue.

"Is that so?" The corner of her mouth lifted in a smirk "Why don't you tell me more of Kakashi-_kun_'s little escapades, Pakun? It's boring out here without anyone to talk to"

"Oh I'd be glad to…" Kakashi gave the pug a look of 'say-anything-more-and-you'll-die-a-very-painful-and-slow-death' "…tell you about Kakashi-_kun_'s escapades"

The pup trotted up to the front ignoring the dirty looks his master gave him along the way, it was just too damn funny not to tell her about Kakashi's interesting relationships. The tension was akin to that of part II in _Icha Icha Labyrinth_ in which Toshi had encountered his female warrior counterpart and tried fervently to bed her but was prevented when an old girlfriend came to town and brought up their previous relationship. From the time Kakashi had taught his puppy to read for the sake of missions, the little dog improved his vocabulary by reading pages and pages of smutty goodness. He didn't care if half of what they did in the books he couldn't do because of his canine disadvantages, he was proud to have a position only his kind could call their own 'doggy style'. He would bet his bottom dollar that his master would've loved to do it 'doggy style' with the woman he was currently conversing with.

"And there was this one girl, I can't quite remember her name, I think it started with Ru…hmm, anyway. She had the shrillest voice on earth, she sounded like a screeching monkey on Pseudoephedrine, I don't know how he could stand it even Shiranui told him to curb her. Bloody woman could turn you deaf singing her –_shudder_- melodic hymns"

"I was drunk and the music was playing too loud for me to hear her half the time"

"Of course Kakashi-kun and her legs just somehow ended up around your waist" He winced and opened his mouth in preparation to defend himself but his pug bet him to it.

"Oh it wasn't like that" He sighed in relief, thankful that someone was on his side "Her legs were wrapped around his head first"

He almost whimpered for Pukun to cease the slandering of his name in front of Sakura, she seemed to be taking it quite well. Maybe a little disgusted from the grimace on her face but she seemed to be walking along fine, even smiling. _Why is she smiling?_

"So he's been around a fair bit then?"

"He's probably slept with most of the women in the village" The pup let out a another bark while her face became slightly pale but the smile stayed. She shifted her pack again, turning around so she could gauge Kakashi's reactions. Her smug little face lifted a few inches higher.

"So it is true then"

He sighed and slipped his book into his pouch, humouring her he asked "Is what true?"

"That you'll screw anything with a hole as long as you don't have to see it again"

The pup snorted "Damn straight"

* * *

Despite her jovial attitude towards his past 'courting' the old pervert hidden in the trees sensed her ire rising and her mood dampen. He had to give it to the little dog, he really knew how to stir things up between the two and the copy nin…He'd never seen such an aloof man so stressed before. 

Those two love birds were his muse and his hand itched to put pen to paper, unfortunately they were still travelling and despite various claims by himself he was not very good at multitasking. As if sensing his break in attention a puff of smoke appeared before him in the form of a short little canine.

"Jiraiya, never thought I'd see you away from the ladies"

"Ah, Pakun, you're not gonna tell one-eye are you?"

"Compensation, sannin. You tell me why you're here and I'll decide whether or not to tell Kakashi"

"Tsunade and I have a little bet running, she thinks that they won't get together on this mission but I do. I'm just making sure that they don't hide it back in the village and we can make sure the bet isn't rigged"

"I see, well for a small fee I can guarantee you a win" The pug let a sly smile cross his face, it made Jiraiya wonder what the payment would be and whether it was dangerous to trust the pup. Then again he had a lot of money riding on this bet and Naruto didn't trust him with his wallet any more.

"What do you want?"

"The book that you're writing at the moment, I want an advanced copy"

The sannin spluttered and coughed "But you're a dog!"

"But I still have a mind of my own and enjoy a little drama every now and then, you know this could lead to trouble. I hate to imagine what she does to you when she finds out, who else knows?"

"Gai"

"Ah" Now he had some semblance of a clue as to why Gai was attempting to woo his former chunin student Tenten, the woman thought it was a joke and laughed in his face. Last time he checked he was doing it while dressed in a jounin uniform similar to Kakashi's and using _hip_ lingo.

"You have yourself a deal, but something better happen. Ideas don't just come from thin air"

'sweatdrop'..."You're an idiot" With that, the puppy disappeared in a puff of smoke back to the two who were arguing about something unimportant.

"Well, Kakashi-_sensei_, it seems like you can have all the fun while I'm left out. It doesn't sound fair at all does it!?"

"I told you to stop calling me your sensei ages ago"

"No you didn't" It was true it was Tsunade who yelled at her to stop calling Kakashi her teacher. Admittedly the fifth was a bit jealous that she called a former teacher who read more than he taught, her teacher and Tsunade, who had taught her everything there is to know about chakra control and medicine just stupid old shishou. The blonde woman was in one of her drunk moods when she heard Sakura call Kakashi, sensei and lost it. Shizune had to order a new desk and Sakura started calling him Kakashi-kun.

"Oh right. Well don't, it makes me sound old" After realising what he said a slapped his forehead and started muttering a few words about annoying clichés.

The pug barked, bending his nose towards the ground again, it seemed that while watching the two argue he missed the faint scent of human blood, it may not have been their mission objective but it was best to check it out. If they lost the scent they could always call reinforcements _and by the look of the sky, we may have to._

"Kakashi, I've got something" From the statement came a sense of duty and the current topic of discussion was dropped. They were on alert and followed the pup into the dense foliage trying to pick up any trace of human life anywhere nearby and with the threat of darkness looming over their heads it was top priority to find the source. Pakun sniffed a patch of dry leaves and dirt, his muzzle planted deep within the pile until he tipped his head to the side telling them where to go next. There was something unusual about the scent as though it had, dare he say it, a more joyful fruity smell to it like it was happier?

"Whoever's blood it is, is either not captured or a nutter" He sniffed the air again but the smell was gone "We lost it"

Kakashi was about to pull out his summoning scroll when Sakura laid a hand his forearm. She shook her head and pointed to somewhere North, he felt a faint chakra signature a nodded to her. Slowly they leapt into the trees and headed in its direction, with the sun dipping below the horizon to their left and Pakun following below in case he caught the trail again. With the trees flashing by as mere blurs and his team mate beside him Kakashi felt in control again, for the first time in a long time he felt free. Guilt played a major part in his life, if not because of his team failures then because he was stopping Sakura from having a decent love life.

Pakun yipped and they both stopped, staring ahead. It was as if there was nothing there but a river and the sun had disappeared. Without the light of day and the river to wash away any attempts at tracking the source of the blood there was no need to keep travelling, especially when the faint chakra was no longer there.

"I guess that means we camp out for the night" Sakura dropped her pack against a tree and dumped herself beside it "I'm stuffed, Kakashi-kun can you cook dinner"

"Yes" She thanked him and shut her eyes to get some sleep "But you're cleaning up"

"But I'm stuffed and ever so tired, why can't _you_ do it?"

"Because I'm cooking, and how ever will I clean up when I'm cooking Sakura-chan"

She grumbled "Man whore"

Pakun barked at Kakashi and wiggled his puggy brows. The copy nin would never live it down now that it was out in the open. His darling Sakura-chan knew his dirty despicable secrets and was not impressed, how would he ever win her over now? For the second time in his life Kakashi felt like throwing a little kiddie tantrum on his stomach and striking the ground repeatedly, but he was too cool for that. He just hoped she didn't find out why she never received her thirteenth birthday present. He watched his dog walk over to Sakura and start talking with her.

"Asshole!" Sakura glared at him. Searching for some reprieve he held up his hands in defence and stumbled over an apology "That is just sickening, what the hell is wrong with you!?"

"Just be thankful I stopped him from rewrapping it and giving it to you" Ever the voice of reasoning, Pakun tried to calm her down. Her face twisted into that of shock horror and disgust. Making a few hand seals before Sakura booted him back home black and blue, Kakashi disappeared a few metres from the camp site. He peered through the trees catching sight of pink hair and a red face that promised pain, he was screwed. Her fist raised and ready, she smashed her way through an old oak tree. _Definitely screwed_

"Calm down Sakura, Kakashi is obviously sorry. I just thought it'd be funny to see him scared for once, it's not a big deal"

"Dog, find that bastard now!"

"Can't we just-" Her eyes narrowed on him. She gathered chakra into her arm and lifted it "Let's go!"

All threats of death vanished as she smiled "Thank you"

* * *

_Behind the threats, scowls and aggressive behaviour was a body full of hurt. The wonder woman, the saviour of the village had never felt as depressed as when she had found out without a shadow of a doubt that she was not worthy enough for the man she loved. And when the worst of his sins had been vocalised the famous ninja hadn't the testicular fortitude to revel in the face of his doom. His cowardice came in place of his usually calm __v...v...va...vit..._

"Damn, I'm stuck again. What is that word?" Mumbling to himself as he thumbed through his previous pages, the toad sage pondered over the perfect words.

"Visage, Jiraiya-sama"

"And what are you doing here puppy"

"If you haven't noticed already Kakashi's gone into hiding and Sakura's nearly blown apart the forest to find him. Now I may not be on missions as much as a regular ninja but I do know that if the keep going, someone will find out that we're here"

"And what am I to do about it?"

"You know this area, is there a village around that has some alcohol?"

He chuckled deep and lecherously "Of course but the town is a bit…different"

"I don't care, they need it"

"Alright" He pointed just right of their campsite "Beyond there is a small town full of booze, and a hotel if you need a place to stay but keep them together I'm not loosing this bet"

"What do you mean by that?"

"The town has its own rules. Go on puppy you don't have all night"

* * *

Kakashi had gotten a real present for her thirteenth birthday and wasn't lying when he said it was ruined, Pakun confirmed it but she didn't think he was that twisted. Apparently he'd gotten drunk the night before her birthday and brought a floozy home that promised him anything he wanted and what Kakashi wanted was for her to play dress up. _Of all the sick twisted perverted things ugh!_

Seeming as how he had no dress up clothing, and in his drunken state, grabbed the red packaging, ripped it open and threw the bright red sun dress at his midnight partner. And just to make it all tie together he wanted his sandy blonde haired partner to don the red dress and call him sensei. _Fucking sicko!_

After having his way with the woman until morning and waking up to find her gone and the dress covered with all sorts of bodily fluids, he threw it in the kitchen sink, rinsed off the excess stains and wrapped it up again. Luckily Pakun stopped him from handing it to her on her birthday. But she remembered him arriving with a slight sway in his step. Kakashi was still drunk the next day and had no idea of what was going on. _Still! It's so ewww!_

"There's a town nearby"

"If I weren't on a man hunt I'd boot you over the forest for creeping up out of nowhere"

"There's a town nearby"

"I heard you!"

"We should go there, spend the night and ask around for a lost Harikawa"

She sighed "You're right"

"Of course I am"

Sakura stomped through fallen leaves, twigs and bark back to camp. If there was ever a time to forgive Kakashi it was during an important mission to find a kidnapped man and if there was ever a time to tolerate him it was when she had to work with him. If only se didn't feel so hurt then maybe it would've been a lot easier.

"Kakashi-kun, come out! I'm not mad at you anymore!"

A few seconds went by until she heard a familiar 'pop' telling her that he arrived "yo"

"Get you're stuff, Pakun found a town nearby that we can stay at"

"Oh lovely, do they have cable?" There was still a chance he could catch that soap he'd heard about last week.

"No, but they have booze" Pakun commented.

"That settles it, we're off!" Sakura proclaimed grabbing her pack. If she could get booze she could loosen up and hopefully fall asleep with no Kakashi related thoughts bugging her. Usually they weren't supposed to drink on a mission but they had Pakun and she _really_ needed a drink, her dear _sensei_ could stay sober. Sakura practically ran in the direction of the town leaving the other two in the dust.

"I am going to wring your neck" Kakashi threatened his dog. If Sakura was still mad at him wen the mission ended it wouldn't just be a threat. As long as his miniature friend never breathed word of what he'd been saying lately in his dreams, if that was how she reacted when hearing of what he'd asked another girl to do, he had quite an imagination and his subconscious enjoyed including Sakura in his dreams.

"She was bound to find out Kakashi, but tonight you've got to look after her. After that little episode she deserves some sake on the side"

"I hate you"

"You always say that when you're not getting' any"

* * *

**A/N - I NEED HELP! I need you to think up really wierd possibly sick fetishes and obsessions for the upcoming chapter. So go all out on it and try and come up with some strange ones.**

**Thanks to:**

**kakura001**

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**Thank you so much for your reviews on the last chapter! **


	6. Ch5: The wonderful town of Kurimu

**I'm back again with a new chapter, it's slightly more naughty than the last but I hope it's up to par, thanx 4 waiting!**

_Chapter 5_

The trees and plants began to disperse the closer they got to the town. Now only a five minute walk away and in the cover of darkness they explored the outer buildings and huts. Shadows danced over the three hidden forms while quiet sounds of insects and small animals hid the rare sounds of them moving through the flora. Pakkun began to hear the shallow hum of life from the partying citizens and smelt a distinct mixture of alcohol, drugs and sex. Even after Jiraiya had forewarned him of the dangers the town placed upon the ninjas, they trekked on. Sakura's movements became faster and more erratic the closer she got, obviously anxious to cool her angered blood. Kakashi apologised over and over again after she announced their plans, he even picked up stray wildflowers and handed them to her, as sweet as the gesture was, Sakura was still mad at him.

Kakashi sniffed the air, noticing on overpowering scent. Everything coming from that town smelt like a brothel or the alleyway in the bad part of town and judging by the noise coming from that place, he'd rather grab Sakura and run very far away but that would just result in her hating him even more. She was a very aggressive woman when she wanted to be but all the same she had a gentle playfulness about her, he sighed and stepped over a hidden tree root. He glanced at Sakura's back. She was strangely private with personal matters so he was unsure of how she'd react in that sort of place. She never talked about her love life, not that she had one with her male team mates attacking them, she never talked about things she dreamed of doing, what she wanted in life or what she didn't want. She laughed with everyone when K.C told his ridiculous stories, she listened when her friend Ino had another one of her problems. _Idiot woman can't close her bloody legs_. But most importantly, no one knew if she'd even kissed a man –or woman, truth be told he may be barking up the wrong tree yet from the information he attained he was pretty sure she was straight.

What was Sakura into? If she was asked to dress up for the purposes of sexual foreplay and enhanced arousal, would she? He pondered. Did she like certain body parts over others? Did she have a feet fetish…no, Sakura was quite normal that way. Then again, if she didn't have some body fetish, she might have some other weird sex fantasy. Himself? He was a leg man but he also like women in uniform, like the song goes he supposed. Coincidentally, Sakura had three separate uniforms, her ninja garb, her medic uniform which was the basic white hospital dress and hat with flat comfy shoes and her lab research uniform. That was the one he liked the most. It consisted a lab coat and protective boots, but it was what could be underneath that gave it the first prize. It hid the most amount of skin leaving everything to the imagination. He could almost feel himself ripping it off of her revealing her dressed in black lacy lingerie. She was like a naughty schoolgirl, nurse, teacher and officer all wrapped in one neat fiery yet angelic package.

He sniffed the air again, a bombardment of smells from every orifice of the body and every dingy club corner assaulted his senses. He paused and gagged. Sakura turned and gave him a questioning look, Pakkun seemed to be burying his nose in the ground as he walked so Kakashi covered his nose and told her he'd be fine.

The trees parted, they could see the town. The three of them stopped, not quite but partly expecting what they were seeing. The town itself was quite nice, not overly large with a few buildings taller than two storeys, traditional style and colouring and pretty well kept. The large road that led into town was beaten but sturdy and the archway to the town was maroon with delicate black lettering _'Kuri-mu ichigo'_. The rest of the town was far from normal. The road that led to town was sturdy and beaten but was surrounded by scantly clad women, what did cover their bodies was either leather, lace or chain mail and they all wore fishnet somewhere on their purchased bodies. Most wore stilettos or knee high go-go boots in black, fire engine red and patterned animal fur. Some appeared to be so keen to earn their money that they let their clients reap the benefits of their purchases on the spot. Pakkun was trying to stop himself from laughing at Sakura's doe eyed expression, her mouth was gaping as she tried to look away only to find something else just as disgracefully sinful to capture her attention.

Kakashi decided that it was probably best to leave his book in his pocket lest he be cornered by women thinking he was there for sex, being a pervert who reads Icha Icha and all. He slipped his arm over Sakura's stunned shoulder, bent his head down to her ear and whispered "Let's get going Sakura-chan, don't want to miss happy hour, now do you?"

She shook her head slowly, her jaw dropping at the male workers that also aligned the road. Some were dressed like women, some like men some like ninja -that disturbed him more than he'd like to admit it. He huddled closer to Sakura as they made their way towards the town, Pakkun was silently laughing like a madman. This town was probably the baseline of ideas for Jiraiya's books, everything was so dirty.

They made their way slowly through the gates of the town, Sakura noticed that the name on the gate was a subtle way of telling people what the town was all about. _'Kuri-mu ichigo'_ or Strawberry Cream, one of the first and most influential forms of innuendo and like whips and leather play a great part in broadening ones horizons on sexual intercourse. The whole town was a bunch of nympho's. The working ladies and gentlemen who greeted them at the road were strangely polite and the few who were on break gave them a friendly smile and wave, it was all an average night for them in the town of Kuri-mu apparently.

Kakashi still kept his arm around her shoulder, his eye taking in every depraved and degenerate detail that the main street had to offer. A few of the stores were dark and enclosed showing nothing of what they hid inside while other buildings were packed and overcrowded with anything and everything that washed in from the more respectable towns. There were small pairs of people sitting and laying on the patios with everything out. There was an old woman in her mid-sixties paying a younger more attractive woman a wad of cash. The young woman smiled and laid a hand on the smiling wrinkled face and leaned in for a small brush of lips.

Pakkun was walking closer to Sakura and Kakashi, trying to avoid the hoard of mostly women that were occupied with a group of animals. He suddenly felt the need to run away, _very_ far away. The copy ninja was beyond shocked with the display of bestiality, it was just _so wrong_. One woman was petting a small brown dog that lay comfortably on her abdomen, while her other hand crawled slowly up her thigh and in between her legs. He steered Sakura to a relatively normal looking pub and away from things that she should not have seen. The bar was pretty clean with only a few people having it out on the tables, all in all it was good. Kakashi found a table near the dark corner of the bar and sat down, Sakura and Pakkun following his lead. After a few minutes of pure silence Kakashi spoke.

"I suppose we better find a place to stay soon" Sakura nodded dumbly. A male waiter came up to the table his eyes firmly set on the female medic, he grinned at her and asked for their order. Sakura found her mouth and replied with just "Lots, lots of sake" The man nodded and walked away still keeping his eye on the pink haired woman as he got their drinks.

Sakura's emerald eyes scanned the crowd, stopping at a pair a table away from them. She sat stunned as the young woman with sandy hair straddled the older man with similar coloured locks. They were engaged in a heated battle of the tongues, or to put it truthfully they were eating each other inside out through the mouth. His lips and tongue were on her jaw and neck in seconds leaving a thin coating of saliva as she lent back letting out a hearty moan, her small hands reached for the top of his pants in a rushed manner. She dipped her hand in rubbing at the skin underneath and rocking her hips on his lap. Her dark brown eyes made contact with his, their noses inches from each other as he smoothed his hands over the curve of her backside under her thin skirt. If Sakura didn't know any better she'd have guessed they were related.

"Otou-san" The young woman moaned again digging her pelvis into his further. Sakura jerked back, her face white and shaking she shuddered and turned to Kakashi to see what he thought. Inwardly he was disgusted, if not the slightest bit turned on when he saw Sakura looking to him.

"Doesn't it feel just…so right?" He asked her covering his amusement with a wistful smile, not that she could see it.

…she stared in shock

…

… …

… … …

…

"NO! No it doesn't!" Her head was shaking. She turned away from the scene of darling father and daughter trying hard to hold in the acidic contents of her stomach. The town, the streets, the bar, it was all so wrong. She crossed her arms and cradled her head on the table. She learnt so many things in just a few minutes, more than she would've in years in Konoha, it was like a town straight out of a porno where nothing was sacred.

The waiter came back wit the drinks in hand "I haven't seen you two around here, are you new"

"Apparently" Sakura's single word meant two things, one she was new to the town and two she was new to everything in the town. A sly smile spread across his face "Well my name's Fuka, if you need any help" He eyed Sakura up and down as she reached for her drink "_Any_ help at all, just call" He left with one last glance at her, a suggestive hint in his gaze which she passed off as a trick of the light.

"He seems to live up to his name" Pakkun commented.

"How so?"

"Are you truly that oblivious?" She turned to the pup urging him to continue "I may be a canine Sakura but your scent alone is desirable, That man Fuka was interested in you"

"He was?!" It was an unusual situation for Sakura, usually they all went to Ino and she was left to chit chat with her team mates. Part of the reason se was so shocked by the discovery that the waiter aptly named 'wrong' was interested in her, was because she hardly got asked out and he probably lived in that town, and you don't go living in a town like _Kuri-mu ichigo_ without picking up a few habits. A boyfriend like that, well who knows what he'd want from you. On the subject of the town she seemed to remember the fact that they were currently on a mission and had a job to do like finding a missing man who might've been dead by the time they found him. Sakura tapped her fingers on the wooden table trying to ignore the woman moaning 'otou-san' several ideas came to mind but none that could be executed during the night.

The mission scroll specifically stated that nothing was to alert the enemy that Konoha was involved, that was always the case though nothing out of the ordinary, just standard mission rules. It also stated that he was to be brought back within a month, if possible a week, because he had to attend a ceremony. The subtle scent of sake leaked into her nasal passages and she felt the urge to gulp down her drink. But an annoying blonde woman in tight clothing grabbed it before she had the chance and gulped it down, being that Sakura was recently remembering lost things like the fact that she was still angry with Kakashi, causing Sakura's jaw to tighten and her eye to twitch. She was not in the mood…_Urgh! And that damn pervert keeps grinning at me, BASTARD!!_

There were many tings Sakura could tolerate but, like Tsunade, someone stealing her drink was unacceptable. Pakkun heard a deep growl come from his pink haired Team mate, he glared at the woman who'd soiled his vision with her presence. He recognised the idiot woman, of course she had been one of Kakashi's more_ IDIOT mistakes. _He made the stupid decision of sleeping with the woman more than once, and she was a ninja, a chunin if he recalled correctly. _She was into some nasty shit, that one._

"KAKA-AMAI!!" The blonde woman squealed and slid in the seat beside Kakashi. She looked his age, if not a few years older while her body retained its youthful splendour. Her eyes were a dark brown with flecks of black but her outfit made her stand out, fishnet and leather. _That seems to be the theme of this place_ Sakura was still sulking and glaring over her missing sake. If only she could bring her fist into that woman's jaw, or at least order another drink. _He's still staring at me,_ _I really don't wanna talk to him. _

_Damn Bitch took my bloody drink!_

Pakkun's ears flattened to his head, her sultry voice raising several octaves to call out Kakashi's pet name. He crawled over to Sakura and nudged her leg giving her a pleading look. She gave her deathly scowl in return "She stole my drink" He nodded forlornly "I really needed it too" She whimpered.

"Maybe you could-"

"Bitch" She seethed.

"Sakura-chan this is um…" Kakashi was still wondering why the woman he thought he requested to stay ten feet away from him at all times, was sitting right next to him but he was a polite man and could handle whatever great kami-sama threw at him. Especially now that he had to remember her name and not just address her as _Tou-chan_, what was he on when he met her? If he recalled correctly it was around about the same time he was experimenting with fabulous mind altering herbs used frequently in the Hokage's famous brownies. Now that he thought more along the lines of those times, everything seemed so much more _whoa_ then.

"Hayashi Mokuzai" The blonde woman spoke for him, leaning herself further into his side "Konoha chunin, my expertise is deadly medical jutsu" Sakura glared at her, still pining after her lost alcohol "Your way out of your league little girl, especially against the ninja of sweet death"

Pakkun stifled a laugh behind Sakura's form, the pink haired ninja let go of her anger for humour. The chunin who was apparently 'out of her league' just revealed secret information about her name, village, and any jutsu that could give her the upper hand in a fight. Tactical conversational techniques did not appear to be her strengths, for all Mokuzai knew, the pink haired woman could have been an enemy nin recovering information on the copy nin and used her as bait. And as for the ninja of sweet death, sifting through her memory banks Sakura couldn't find such a title in her memory logs. It sounded like a pretty pathetic name, maybe it was self proclaimed like Gai's Beautiful green beast of Konoha. _Ninja of sweet death?_

"Who?"

The showy blonde woman huffed "Like you'd know anything kid" Her attention diverted from Sakura back to Kakashi "Do we have to stay here with this kid Kaka-amai, or do you want to go somewhere more _private_" She leant over further practically laying in his lap as she stroked his chest through the material. If Sakura wasn't already giggling her ass of at Kakashi's pet name and devising a way to retrieve a new drink without having to talk to the leering waiter, then she would have felt a little jealous of the woman touching the man she was enamoured with. Alas her drink took top priority along with gathering information about the missing man, and of course Kakashi's fluffy sweet pet name.

Pakkun crawled onto Sakura's lap so he could talk freely with her without the golden harlot listening in. Sakura pet his head as he spoke "Maybe you should order a drink from the flashy fella anyway, he might know a thing or two about what's been going through-"

"OTOU-SAN!!!" The sandy haired girl let out a screeching moan as her head tossed back in heated ecstasy. Her features twisted, eyes clinched shut as another lower moan ripped from her throat through her parted mouth. The man underneath her grunted against her sweaty chest, his own heaving after his intense orgasm and unprotected release. Their matching sandy hair clung to their sweaty skin. Another lovely moment between father and daughter.

"That is just fucked up" Pakkun nodded in agreement.

"As I was saying, that dirty fella might know something about our target" Sakura nodded "But first you might want to help Kakashi"

They turned their abandoned companion, watching in amusement as he tried to escape the clutches of the almighty ninja of sweet death. Her almost claw like nails latching onto his olive green flack vest, she whispered past indiscretions in his ear loud enough for the other two to hear.

"…then you slipped your hand down…" Sakura and Pakkun gave him one of those 'care-to-explain' looks. The copy nin had never felt so dirty in his life. In the eyes of the woman he loved, he was a dirty filthy perverted womanizer with no conscience and no taste in women. The idiot blonde kept insulting Sakura and digging her nails in his arm so he couldn't throw her off, he didn't want her. And from the look his partner was giving him he'd be surprised if he ever got Sakura anyway.

"I think he's doing just fine on his own Pakkun" Sakura stood up and marched up to the bar with an extra oomph in her step, that suggested a severe pounding when they got their hotel room. She traipsed straight to the grinning waiter and grabbed the collar of his shirt bringing his face close enough to hers to look intimate. Her eyes narrowed on him, she whispered harshly in his face.

"Before I leave here I want a nice tall frothy beer or your finest strongest sake, but before then I need to know. Has anyone come through here mentioning the name Harikawa from Suna or a group of rebels that may have mentioned kidnapping a powerful or important man?"

He whimpered in the back of his throat, strange unrecognisable sounds came from his chest. Yet a very clear "No" told her all she needed to know. She sighed and dropped him on his feet, letting him scurry around the bar for her requested drink. He stopped halfway through "But I know of a man who might know about it" The drink was before her in seconds.

"Thank you" She grabbed the porcelain cup and let the warm liquid flow down her throat "And thank kami-sama for alcohol"

* * *

Kakashi's brief encounter with an old lover through him for a loop and was the last thing he wanted when in the company of Sakura, one of the most sought after women in the village. He'd hazard a guess that she didn't entirely appreciate the insults made by the devil of a woman that felt the need to present herself on a platter, in his lap. The greatest possible relief was when Sakura dragged him by the ear out of the pub, telling the woman who was following that they were on a mission, had a job to do and she was so sober she could kick anyone with an ass at that present time. 

The scantly clad chunin made several attempts at grabbing him back but Sakura who was beyond pissed at the time, gathered an incredible amount of chakra in her fist and punched the table nearest to her, shattering it into a thousand pieces and leaving a crater in the grey slate floor. The ninja of sweet death backed away with what was left of her dignity and the copy nin couldn't have been happier. Except now he was receiving a lecture from Sakura about his choices in sexual partners and the dangers of exceptionally clingy women. The stout wrinkled dog had a good laugh about it too.

But his mission partner had mentioned a man that could give them information on the missing Harikawa man and suggested immediate interrogation. It also meant they had to take another lovely stroll through the exotic town with their heads held high as if they visited all the time. Kakashi had almost halted their stroll to stop at a store that specialized in Icha Icha books, costumes, character blow up dolls and much much more, as the slogan promoted. Sakura pulled him out of his thoughts by pinching the rim of his ear extra hard and dragging him further away from the store with promises of an early morning visit to the adult literature paradise.

Sakura had told him the name of the place before they left the other bar but now that he stared up at the neon sign, for the first time in a long time old one eye felt uneasy, worried and a tad scared. Never in his entire life as a man and self-respecting shinobi had he ever felt the need to visit a male strip club.

"It can't be too bad Kakashi, just keep your eyes on the floor or the ceiling" She giggled "And if they try and hit on you, just go with it"

Kakashi Hatake was standing in front of a male strip club that was four stories high, possibly the tallest building in the small village with a flock of men and women standing outside its doors. A burly man with a hairy chest and bleached smile dressed in a sparkly pink sequenced jockstrap, twirled around a shiny brass pole as an advertisement of sorts for the club. According to Sakura the man who owned the club knew everything that came in and out of the town, he also knew about every backend business transaction that went through _kuri-mu ichigo's_ walls.

"Can't I just stay out here Sakura-chan" He clung to her hand like a lost child. She squeezed his hand and gave him a quick reassuring hug. She left her arms wrapped around his neck as he cuddled her closer to his chest.

"I need you to back me up Kakashi-kun, Pakkun will get lost in there with all the different smells" He reluctantly let go and nodded to her. He braced himself, about to walk into the throng of aroused gay men and old female swingers.

* * *

**A/N Thanks for all those perverse fetishes people, they will definitely be used in the next c****hapter, but keep 'em coming. The can be really wrong, I don't care, I'll still put it in.**

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**Eralda**

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